Getting Started:

Of the categories below, choose one that interests you the least. (We’ll put it last)

  • One of the clearest conclusions of this book is that conflict is normal—and we shouldn't pretend otherwise.

    Instead, it recommends that we reframe conflict not as an interruption, but as an opportunity to make meaning.

    How does the idea—conflict is normal—align with your theological assumptions about grace and unity?

  • A recurring theme in the book is the distinction between reacting vs. perceiving.

    It suggests that we shift our lens from ‘seeing’ to ‘solving’.

    Which lens do you default to in conflict? Immediate issue, underlying patterns, or the larger framework?

  • The book cautions that quick solutions can inadvertently sustain deeper patterns of conflict.

    To deepen our understanding of conflict, the author encourages readers to consider their ‘dirty dishes’—small issues carrying disproportionate emotional weight.

    With that in mind, how do youdiscern when a conflict is about identity, power, or belonging rather than stated issue?

  • Similar to the idea of normalizing conflict, the book describes transformative leadership in conflict as shifting from either/or to both/and.

    It also observes that it is counter-instinctual for many leaders to embrace paradox, dilemma, and complexity.

    Consider a significant conflict in your past or present. Challenge yourself to reframe it as a dilemma.

Discussion Guidelines:

  • We will give 5 minutes to each question.

    • Read question thoughtfully, brief notes (1 min)

    • Each contributor responds (Up to 1 min)

    • Spontaneous follow up (Remaining time)